Parshat HaShavua Parashas Chayei Sarah

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Parashas Chayei Sarah

I.                   Perceptive Communication

"And I asked her and said, 'whose daughter are you?'…And I put…the bracelets
on her hand.. (Bereishis 24:1)


Eliezer, the faithful servant of Avraham, was charged by his master with the
crucial mission of finding a wife for his son, Yitzchak.  A Canaanite woman
would not be acceptable as a mate for Yitzchak and so Eliezer had to find a
girl from the family of Avraham, making his task considerably more
difficult.  Yet, Eliezer set out on his journey, and at his destination, he
was so bold as to ask Hashem to give him a clear sign as to whom the worthy
girl might be.  "The maide of whom I ask to drink from her pitcher and she
answers, 'Let me give drink to your camels as well,' will be the one
designated for your servant, Yitzchak" (Bereishis 24:14).  No sooner had he
finished his request when Rivkah came out and went through this process of
giving Eliezer and his camels water, exactly as he had specified.  Without
asking her to reveal her identity, Eliezer bestowed upon her the jewelry
intended for Yitzchak's betrothed, confident that she was indeed the right
girl.  Only then did
  he ask about her family.
When Rivkah brought him to her home.  Eliezer related this story to her
father, B'suel, and her brother, Lavan, but as Rashi points oit, he switched
the sequence of his actions.  He said that first he inquired as to her
family and only then did he give her the jewelry.  Rashi comments that he
told the story in this order because otherwise B'suel and Lavan would have
questioned Eliezer's giving Rivkah the jewelry without even knowing who she
was.  They would not have been able to understand his confidence that Hashem
had indicated to him the proper partner for Yitzchak.  In reality, though,
the story in its true sequence is not so perplexing.  At precisely the right
moment, Rivkah appeared and performed all the requirements previously
spelled out by Eliezer.  The miraculous rising of the well water to greet
her (Rashi 24:17) was also a strong indication of her righteousness.  One
who had bitachon – faith in Hashem – could certainly believe and understand
Eliezer's
  actions.
It is the nature of man to measure others by his own spiritual yardstick.
Eliezer, after evaluating the stature of B'suel and Lavan, realized that
they were not great enough to recognize the hand of Hashem as clearly as he
and therefore could not properly comprehend his actions.  Even though they
believed in Hashem, as shown by their reaction, "From God has the matter
come" (Bereishis 24:50), their lower spiritual level would have caused them
to view his actions as illogical, and his story as false.  Eliezer foresaw
this and astutely modified his narrative to avoid this.
Eliezer's intuitive insight is an important lesson in communication skills;
know to whom you are speaking and how to speak to them.  Any relationship
requires perceptive communication to succeed, whether it be between parent
and child, husband and wife, or businessman and client.  To be clearly
understood, we must also consider the perspective and preferences of our
partner, not only of ourselves.  Eliezer, instead of being considered a
fraud, was a respected and revered guest in the house of B'suel.  By
relating to B'suel and Lavan on their level, he succeeded in gaining their
happy acquiescence to his plan and the successful completion of his mission.

II.                "Who is Wealthy?"

"And Avraham expired and died at a good old age, mature and
content…(Bereishis 25:8)

The Ramban explains that this verse elucidates two points.  Firstly, the
material blessings and bounty that Hashem bestows upon the righteous.
Secondly, the greatness of Avraham Avinu.  He was someiach b'chelko –
satisfied with his lot.  He was not one who desired luxuries, described by
the Midrash, "Those who love money aren't satisfied with money – if they
have a hundred, they desire two hundred and if they attain two hundred, they
want four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:13).
The Torah's view of Avraham's greatness seems puzzling.  Why is he praised
for being satisfied with his lot?  After all, Hashem blessed him with
extraordinary wealth and honor.  He was saved from the fiery furnace, given
a son in his old age and promised by Hashem that his descendants would not
only be as numerous as the stars of the heavens, but ultimately selected as
God's chosen nation.  Was it really a test for Avraham, who had so much, to
be happy with what he had?  Wouldn't each of us be happy with our lot if we
merited all of these rewards?
The Torah is showing us the powerful force of the human desire to wealth and
luxuries.  It is a challenge for even the most righteous to overcome it
successfully.  We often hear the familiar complaint: "If I would win the
lottery, then I would be happy.  I would give to charity and be satisfied
with my financial situation.  If Hashem would give me a million dollars, I
would never desire anything more."  This statement indicates that the person
is not satisfied right now, and even if his money doubled or quadrupled, the
desire for more would merely keep a step ahead of his level of wealth.  Were
it not for Avraham's unique capabilities, even he, who was blessed with
everything, would not have been happy with his lot.  No one is above the
desire for more luxury and riches, no matter how much he already has.
The Mesilas Yesharim (Chapter 11) teaches us that with the desire for money
a person forfeits his freedom, since he is chaining himself to his work and
business to fulfill his need for wealth.  The quest for riches, he
continues, exposes one to many dangers and weakens him with a great deal of
worrying even after he has acquired much wealth, as it says in Pirkei Avos,
"He who multiplies material possessions, multiplies his worries."  It drives
a person to transgress the laws of the Torah and even causes him to violate
natural rules of reason.
The Ibn Ezra, in his commentary to Koheles (7:17) is even stronger in tone.
He interprets King Solomon's words as telling us:  "Don't be evil and
involve yourself with matters of the material world.  Make do with what you
have, because the foolishness of desiring more will cause you an early
death."  The very desire for more things in this world removes one from it
through an untimely death.
Hashem equips each of us with the tools and materials we need to serve Him
properly, and furnishes us with the ability to live with what He has given
us.  If we focus on this truth and accept it as our perspective on life,
then regardless of our financial situation, we will be wealthy, as Ben Zoma
teaches us, "Who is wealthy?  One who is happy with his lot" (Pirkei Avos
4:1).